Book 3 Chapter 9

Upon my journey in life I have found that most people suck. They are only in it for themselves, for their own gain. Their own purpose. I have met so many on that level here in NYC and around the USA. As I listen to my music I pull up Eminem’s, ‘Never Enough’. I understand his words. See I am one of those odd people that believe. What brought this rant on? People not keeping their word.

This week I fell behind. This is never a good thing. A lot of things happened in the week to create this situation. I was going to make this a bitching chapter but I can’t. Some people when they come into your life, you often wonder why you allow them there. Time is a thing that teaches you how to hold on. To endure the hurdles placed before us and people come in and out of our lives on a daily basis and we never really see how much they mean to us.

My every dream in the world is coming true. To be a known writer before I die. Do you know how many writers of the past who would have given their right eye teeth for this opportunity? This chance? They would rage against the machine to be in this time space of reality of what is presented for the freelance artist to have contact with in such a way to reach almost every corner of the world, big or small. Some how it can reach them, and if the words can’t the reaction can. This gift, any writer would give their very soul for, such as Dante as he enters into the inferno.

I am so blessed. The people who have come and past me in my life, the places the I have been. Where I sit now. I can go see the Statue of Liberty any day of the week I wish. So many died to see that gift and here she is, for me to go see upon a whim of the day and 5 dollars to pay the toll. What a blessing and gift. So few can not see this. If it were not for the people in my life today, I would not be where I am. You know who you are, you know who you are not.

I know this is a short chapter, but I fell behind. I am covering a protest that is taking a bit of my time and I have not had much time to write on the computer. So please bear with, the A train passed by my house the other day and I got a 2 day pass to Manhattan. They let me out of my room to see the carnage on the streets right now in Manhattan…So if you don’t hear from me in a few days. I do promise, the A train will deliver me home safe again soon after we are done outracing the worm that we picked up from the Hudson.

As this concludes our short, uncyndicated blogcast, bookcast day.

Book 3 Chapter 8

I know when I emerge out I am very bold. I see. I know. I feel. I think. When I do come out against something or for it I am usually extremely passionate. I was asked a few years ago to start covering court room stories for certain people of the Law world. I agreed to go simply because it was a job that I felt I could get into. What I saw when I went to my first Court room house case as an adult, the case was not ok in my eyes. I watched cases through out the day and took notes as all the cases were heard before 3 judges on Pearl Street of that Courthouse. The things I heard turned my stomach. Not so much the issues of the cases presented, but the lack of professionalism and knowledge on the behalf of some of the Lawyers prosecuting the case. They, the Prosecuting Lawyers were going up against the likes of Washington D.C. Lawyers; Prosecuting Lawyers who had no business in the Court Room let alone as a sophomore in Law School. Let me explain why before you comment, continue reading please.

How can you possibly go to court with out an idea of how you are going to give a proper rebuttal ( http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=rebuttal ) In a Constitutional case if you don’t know the ins and outs of Constitutional law and you don’t bother do your research incase one of the Amendments is not a good defense for your client.

This case from Pearl Street, well, it was a romper room of romper rooms with an ill prepared Lawyer representing 7 clients against Lawyers that were protecting the likes of John Ashcroft. ( http://www.answers.com/topic/john-ashcroft ) and Lawyers for the jail in Brooklyn are only 2 of the people that were being sued by Detainees in GitMo this day. Though the case may have been valid enough, the Prosecuting Attorney ( http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=prosecuting%20attorney&db=luna ) for the Detainees, seemed if she was still a paralegal who needed a Law book thrown at her to give her a clue of the reality of the importance of the case. There were individual lawyers of course for the likes of Ashcroft and the Prison. There was one Lawyer representing the Detainees. I am still sitting on the story as you can see because I am not sure the research is done enough for the people as of yet, however to continue upon the Romper room saga…


The girl had council sitting at the table with her and behind her, but she is the one who was defending the case before the three Judges. She kept trying to stand upon the 4th Amendment rights of Illegal Search and Seizure.


Amendment IV (1791)
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probably cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.


Now this is all fine and dandy for such actions, if one is an American citizen. These men, that were arrested and now are in GitMo, were walking around the World Trade Center openly and with out any thought to the situation of 9-11, with in days after the towers fell. Now I am not saying that they should not have been there but 4 out of the 7 men had legal illegal paperwork for them to work here; I Mean their papers were legal, but they were not. This should have and could have become an INS issue for 4 out of the 7 men, not an issue of 4th Amendment rights. The fact that these men were here illegally working with legal papers makes you wonder why they were here illegally in the first place and where did they get the legal papers? Also what were the other 3 men, who were here on legal papers, doing with these 4 men that were not here legally? It also begs the question if they were entitled to the American dollars spent on their council if they were not from this country? Shouldn’t their country have to pay for this? Why are we left paying the bill for 4 illegals that were here on legal illegal paperwork, taking away American jobs from the American people? Oh and it was a high alert time so honestly, no one can blame the local law enforcement here to do a bit of profiling, they were of similar characteristics of what we know of the terrorist in our limited educational allowance for the daily reports from people like Faux News and CNN.


When I was asked to attend this hearing, my mind was not prepared for what I heard or saw. There are too many here that took the Citizenship test, too many here that need jobs, there are too many here that have been lied to for far too long. I recognize that my ‘Unpatriotic attitude’ will get me into trouble one day.


I, at this point, I do not care. Haul me off to the Jail. I want to scream from the empire states building, “America, Question. What the Fuck? Why?” How can the American public possibly say that if they don’t know the truth? So I have to be fair and report the truths that have been given to me to see. I will say if there is an American citizen who reads my work and follows the links to see what has been presented, does not say to their Government that they employ, “Listen Asshole, we need to talk.” Then it is not the fault of mine but theirs. It is only my responsibility to report the truth I find, not decide it.

I see what the Government is doing to us. How they teach us. I am listening to Immortal Techniques ‘Point of no return.’ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQl_vkhL6oc ) I can not back out from what I say because what I see is destroying this country at the very being of our core. At this point it would be futile. What I speak, for Christ sake, it is the way I feel. Am I not entitled to that? I want an answer God Damn It. Why have I plowed the trenches only to have no return? Why should the keeper reap the benefits of my being, my work? Let me tell you, Rap has created a lot of anger in me. It has driven me in a good way. The anger I feel when I am listening to rappers like Immortal Technique and Eminem, they empower me. They empower my place in the world. Even with all I have been trough I feel that they have been through 10 times worse. I question…Who I am, what I am? Where do I fit in this world? Will I make my mark?


I am lucky, my skin tone is white, I just look appropriate. I fit in when I have to. With most not knowing I will post the story that will make people question their placement of where they are. With my Tats and black ghetto booty I fit in to a point, until I have to interact. Then my mouth gets the best of me.


I have earned my tats, never forget that. My tats define me in a way. I have the trinity on my arm, a memory on my ankle of where I never want to be again, and a black rose that drips blood on my back. As you can see in this documentary. I will only show my trinity Tat. Why? I want people to judge me by what I represent and write not what I look like.


In the world of the Court room you see yourself so much. I am supposed to keep an objective mind at this point. How do you do that? When you hear the travesties that are presented, the pain that is happening, and the nonsense of the destruction of people that so few know?
It is a difficult issue for me to keep my objective as that of a reporter. I have feelings, I know things. I see things. It pains me the people on the street who are forgotten. I can never forget them. How inhumane can you be to forget them? It is humanity that allows others to live. It is humanity that allows us to live. What if the powers that be did just leave us there? With our educational system we are entitled to Bad council, bad representation unless we can afford the price tag. We would flounder at this. We would be destroyed. We loose as a species. We will become lost in this freedom if we do not learn to stand up for it.


I listen to certain music because of how it affects me. My roomie knows if Rammstein (http://www.rammstein.com/ ) is on, I am not in the mood to talk. I am too angry at that point to approach. I am a radical at that time and nothing logical is going to come through. I can’t explain it. I just know. Sometimes you just know.


Please be patient here, even though the next few paragraphs seem out of whack with the above topics on the court I tie them together.


You get to a point in your life where you know you have to make a stand. You have to make this stand to make sure you are true to the people around you. Honestly you can not say you will provide food and shelter if you can not establish it.


Please let me give an example. With my books I have a few proofreaders; they get the royalties of the books I write. In no way shape or form are they asking for money, it is a gift. I give all my proofers 1% of the profits off the life of the books I put out. Does not seem like a lot at first but let’s say this book makes 1 million. 1% of that million is still ten grand. That is a bit of gas or food. They know this, the proofers, as do I. For one thousand a month I can pay all my house bills. For Christ sake, I live in NY for that point. If I can make it on less than a grand a month, so can anyone else anywhere else in the world. I am sure they can figure out where to put that extra money even if it is only $200 extra a month. That is gas or some food or maybe a trip to a restaurant.


When you look at that statement alone…


‘I am sure they can figure out where to put that extra money even if it is only $200 extra a month. That is gas or some food or maybe a trip to a restaurant.’


That is a sad statement to make, very sad. Why should America have to suffer from the politicians who have been leading her? What is the point? If the politicians destroy the people who elected them then there will be no one left in America to do the jobs they don’t want to do. You know, blue collar work, the blood of America, the heartbeat that keeps this country running? I guess that if all the Wally worlds were to shut down we would have to let go of the workers from another countries and put jobs back in America.


Why, as Americans have we not questioned more? Why did we elect someone who we wanted who promised so many changes, people believed in him? We, as a nation, elected a Freshman Senator into the White House with out a second thought, a second glance. Did any one bother to check his voting records or bother to see that the stimulus plan was presented long before he was in Office? He was part of the original write ups for it and wanted to get it past when lil bush was in office.


He promised so much, offered change. Only to create a change that could very well destroy this country. Yet we sit back and clap at the shiny things that are presented to us, only hoping there will be food on the table tomorrow. Or that we can send our kids to school tomorrow with out concern that they will not be educated well because they can not pay the teachers anymore or that the books are so old that it dates back to the publication time of George Washington being in office. I have never cared for Mr. Obama; I can not and will not ever call him President. I will not. There is something dirty there. At least you know where I stand with the current administration, don’t worry, I care not for the President since Carter was in office.
I am sure some will find this disrespectful but to be very honest. I have no respect for a man who stated very clearly he would never run for office of President when being caught off guard with a Reporter who questioned him after a Senate hearing on lil bush I believe. I don’t care for a man who has no issue of Plagiarism, I work to hard to find my words to write and come together. I also believe his ability to vote to impeach lil bush when he could, was not used for a yeah or a nay, in other words he did not vote. Same with Miss. Clinton. We are all so happy Clinton is there yet here is the thing, am I the only one who remembers the nightmare that happened during something called the white water scandal I believe. A lot of people conveniently died after all that work came out. Or how about the fact that the man who was elected into Office will not share his birth certificate with the American People. We hired him, he did not hire us. We are his employer, not vice versa. Why is he above questioning? Is it because he is a Malato? He is half black, half white. He is not a full blooded African American, as a matter of a fact; I am not even sure if he is an African American. I believe the only ones who should use that term, are the Americans who came from Africa over here.


So many things in life can change in an instant. We so often forget this. We forget our place in this world that a larger part of the world controls us. That what we put in this life comes out in our being. We forget we have a mind and allow all to control us with their beliefs. We have forgotten to listen to those little things in our lives that are an edge in our system. We allow this corruption to exist because we exist stagnant on certain parts of our lives. We make the paths we are on to choose our paths and go where they lead us.


How does all this connect you may be asking? Our education system is a representation of our future. If a Lawyer does not know the Constitution to defend 7 men before 3 judges correctly, then what does that say about us as a nation as a whole being? If it is ok for the man who holds the highest office in the Nation is above questioning, what is the Constitution for? If we know this is happening, why haven’t we stopped it?


Remember what I say, question everything as this concludes our bookcast blogcast day. You are not free to move about the cabin space provided.

Book 3 Chapter 7

Welcome back. Did you miss me?

I am listening to the news from Russia again. You learn a great deal when you listen to other people. In a court room all you do is listen and hope you got that statement correct or the reaction of the Judge or the people around you. I am not sure what Lawyers feel when they are up there. I have had my fair share of court room drama you could say. I have dealt with the family law court, divorce court, Federal Courts, State Courts; I am working on making it to the Supreme Court in D.C... That would be an achievement. I have learned though, laws are started on the base of all courts. I am not an expert in the Courts or their placement as of yet. Where they sit and why one Court is higher than the other.

To me the court system is a lot like our Government. Each level is connected but one hand rarely knows what the other is doing. I usually slip in quietly to these cases. Sitting where I can hear well but not always seen because I do try to blend in. As for my writing style on these cases. I am not sure so many would approve who have been in the business for very long. I can’t blame them. I have chosen to come into a court of law and report the truth but from a layman’s point. From one who is learning the law as the cases move forward.

I often have to work twice as hard on cases, for the simple fact, I do not know all the terms. I did not complete College. I did graduate High School, but College was a no go for me. Hint here, teenagers who know everything and are ready to graduate, go get a further education even if it is fixing cars.

I have let go of a lot of things in my life. I had them but I did not want them at that time if that makes sense. I look back and reflect a lot on where I turned wrong, how I could have done things differently.

I think the Court Room does make you look, reflect; see where you could be, or what you could become. Besides Government, Law is one of the only other things that really affect a whole Country. This includes anything that can be broken down into those particular sectors we could say. I am anxiously awaiting my proofer’s responses and corrections on the first few chapters of this book, so as I wait, the need to write does not diminish. Especially when I am watching things that can and will affect thousands. It is a very weird feeling. I am witnessing history in a way, not by the sideline in the TV tube that is watched by many out there. I am sitting in on cases that can possibly change laws for others nation wide in the future.

There is something about that. There is a feeling of pride, not vanity. It is a feeling of awe. It is a feeling of pain and disappointment. In life you have to take a stand. If you do not, the words you say mean nothing to the people you are trying to reach. I do believe my PTSD is a help factor in this area. Remember every negative has a positive. My mind is that of sorted memories, blind faith, and direction of where I need to be, not where people think I should be.

The court rooms show you your own vicious circle of life. Where you could do better. How you could improve yourself. How do you make change? Do you have a purpose? Why are you here? What is it you are to do? I watch the court room drama. There is no other description there. It is like watching psychedelics on trial. Each Lawyer has a point, the judge listens. The lawyer has the choice to listen to the judge or not. They psychosomatic actions continue either way.
I suppose I have to go back to my first court case on Pearl. The GitMo case as I refer it to. Out of all the research I have done, I am not sure what my limits are of that of reporting. Do I step out and scream the truth from my pages or do I keep a silent mind and only show the facts of the case. Not that when I scream the facts would not be in the description of the case where I put my thoughts in there, my thoughts will just come in louder words.

If you notice, I tend to focus on other things besides the PTSD. I try to function with in the ‘normal’ parameters of man. I tell you right now I am far from it, seriously. I wonder how others see me in this world, my words, my research. Some call that the truth. I have the issue of knowing what I should say and what I do say. These court cases remind me so much of being there, being the person on trial.

Of course everyday I live I am on trial. Did I say the right thing? Did I manage ok? What did I do to improve the situation? Am I ok? Why do I feel the need to take care of others even when I am the brink of despair? I often look at my weak, fallen vessel that I am no one, nothing. Crying out in utter defeat I watch. I cry. I submit; feel. I see.

For so long I have questioned where I am to be and what to do. If I am on the right path? Did I mislead someone, somewhere? I fight what humanity gives me as an answer. I fight what I am told I am to believe. I rage against this machine if for no reason as to the fact that I scream about the truth that I am presented with. My true vision is that of clarity, peace, blindness of a sort. I have found out that I can not report with out my heart being real. This becomes a conflict of interest in ways.

When I have the privilege to talk to my children they often bring light to the conversation of their wisdom. Two precious times of the week I get to hear how their day is going, their week. What is going on in their world? It is a very odd existence. Looking out to what is presented to me. I am a weird one. No one can argue. I am still functioning, functioning being the key word. I have survived abuse you could not imagine. I have become the poster child of screw ups. I mean real screw ups. I look at myself and wonder why in Gods green earth I would be chosen to be a mother of one, let alone two children. Who screwed up that day with the embryos that become children? I want to see this order.

My son reconfirmed my parenting education today. He uttered the words, “We must question everything.” Such a bold statement from a 16 year old. In his simple words he reaffirmed what I have taught my children from birth. The basics of life.

“Yes." Was my answer. I asked him where he learned this and he informed me it came from my gene pool, that he learned that from me. There is not a word that can describe what this is or how it may affect you. I raised my children to question everything; this does not just mean those around you, but those who help you; your teachers, your leaders, your friends, your family, and so on and so forth. Again please send your hate mail to idontcare@gmail.com. Such a simple statement that is said that can mean mounds. It is a reward for teaching well. It is a gift to see that you were listened to.

It is also a reminder which has to do with the courts? How do you possibly put Courts with children? Easy. Both need a justice system based off something. Based off a reason. As I said there are no words to express the words of my son. His bold statement of ‘Question everything.’
See people come in and out of your life and you become attached, you only hope what you have given will reach them and their boundaries. From a mothers point of view. I am terrible. I am a horrid mother. I have the mother instincts, but not the drive sometimes. Not the tenacity. I was from the world of children should be seen not heard because I already have enough noise in my head. Yet when I had my own I learned very quickly communication is key and our children are like these lil sponges absorbing everything we say or do in this world.

My son repeating the precious words of ‘Question everything” allowed me to realize I am on the right path, whether I am in the Court Room or in person on the street. It is that silly validation to continue on in this world and your place in it.

As this concludes our blogcast/bookcast day…Always question….PTSD…question…thyroid…question…twin towers…question…swine flu…question???